One of the ultimate fulfilments being represented in popular culture is the issue of ending up at the altar. For some, it is a desire that cannot be dispensed with.
For others, it does not really matter when they get married and even when they do get married, they do so to accomplish all righteousness. Many have argued that ‘marriage’ is highly cherished by women than the men, but there’s been arguments against that too.
However, whatever be the case, the fact is that both men and women still end up getting married. When they get married, who do they get involved with? Where and when? While some Nigerian men in America are trooping back to Nigeria to marry Nigerian girls, the Nigerian ladies in the United States seem to be wary of embarking on that marriage adventure back home.
Although, some of these women still do, but before they decide to accept the proposal of any guy back in Nigeria, they must have had several fears. Apart from those ladies in the United States who may have found their heartthrob back home, there are some other ladies at this point who are still scared to give it a shot.
Having been opportune to have conversations with some of these ladies in the US, certain fears below were observed:
1. Fear of being scammed – With the current trend of scammers everywhere, the fear of being deceived into unnecessary expenses has continued to envelope these ladies. No doubt, there are guys in Nigeria that have vowed to make it by hook or crook. Some have for so many years been trying their best possible to process visa to travel out of the country. For these ladies in the US, getting involved with such guys would be precarious.
Even though some good guys exist out there of which these ladies hope to meet, the fear still lurks around. They have heard and read stories of the “yahoo boys” who go about scamming foreigners and fellow Nigerians alike. Thus, the fear of these guys is the beginning of wisdom.
2. Fear of being abandoned – There have been cases of these ladies getting married to guys in Nigeria, make every sponsorship to make them get to be in the US. They eventually become green card holders and in subsequent terms, become US citizens. The painful part becomes when the going gets tough. At this point, another woman is in the waiting. They leave these ladies and marry another. There are cases where some of these guys already had wives back in Nigeria. They pretend not to have such married status.
Their wives become their partner in crime. Thus, with these stories being real, many of these ladies become scared not wishing to be abandoned after putting in all resources to make the union work.
3. Fear of men’s inability to fit into the US system – In some cases, after the guy gets to the US, he fails to take responsibility as the man and head of family. He fails to adjust in order to fit into the US system. Because of this, he wouldn’t work. Instead, the wife still continues to take care of all bills including his welfare. Tired of the situation and perhaps, humiliation, he goes back to Nigeria where he knows what to do to earn money.
4. Fear of living apart – Because he could not fit into the US system, he then decides to be visiting his family once or twice a year. Some guys just want the status of having a US green card or being a citizen and then they go back to Naija. No woman loves to be apart from her hubby. When this happens to some people they know, it becomes one of their many fears.
5. Fear of being controlled – This is another fear especially by those who do not want to humble themselves before any man. They are those whose mentalities have been twisted by the freedom and absolute rights given to women in America. Because of this right, a handful of men are more scared to be involved with these ladies since they cannot be with women who will always measure shoulders with them. If a man can be a subject to the ladies’ submissions, then they are good to go. Although, not every one of them has this controlling attribute.
6. Family approval – There are some families that do not want their daughters who are based in the US to be married to someone in Nigeria. They would rather prefer to see their girls married to Nigerians based in the US or better still, a white man. In some other cases they can simply match make their daughters with sons of friends. So, once the ladies’ families are not in support of the men of their choice, it becomes difficult. Although some would defy the disapproval of their families.
7. High taste of choice – For those ladies whose tastes are high, they find it difficult getting guys in Nigeria that can stand their class for marriage purpose and not just for fun. Those classy kind of guys the ladies so yearn for are not even being enticed by the ladies’ presence. Those who keep approaching them are the ones who these ladies see as classless. But the moment a classy one approaches, he is embraced with all gladness. This is why guys may want to disguise as a topnotch in order to be able to woo and win the lady over.
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